Chasing Cars
by MellarksOrHerondales
Summary: Three months after the end of book 5. Alec is having a bad day and decides to end it all. Song-fic to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Implied character death.


**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THE LYRICS OR THE CHARACTERS. **

**Alec POV:**

It's been 3 months since Magnus and I went our separate ways. I refuse to call it a break up because that hurts far too much.

I thought maybe things would get better after a few months, but I was wrong. Things have only gotten worse.

I moved out of Magnus' apartment and into my own. I couldn't face my parents knowing looks and gestures that are supposed to be comforting, but result in only making me more upset.

Jace calls me every once in a while to make sure I'm okay. Well, as okay as I can be. So 'alive' is probably a better term.

Today was a bad day and I'm fed up.

The day full of green-gold cats eyes smiling at me, or honey coloured fingers threading through my pale ones, or glitter falling like snow in his apartment. All of them haunt me plus many more which I'd like to keep hidden, deep, deep down inside of me.

_"We'll do it all_

_Everything_

_On our own_

_We don't need_

_Anything_

_Or anyone"_

This song comes onto the radio as I drive to Central Park. There's a small meadow that Magnus showed me a while ago. It's beautiful there and I think that if I were to die, then I want to die there.

The lyrics remind me of how me and Magnus used to be. How we thought we could do anything as long as we had each other. And I guess that we were right. We were able to accomplish many great things together.

_"If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would lay with me and just forget the world"_

Magnus would've before I ruined everything. He would've dropped everything he was doing and would've come to me as fast as he could. He'd do anything for me. Even put his own life on the line if it meant I lived.

_"I don't quite know_

_How to say_

_How I feel"_

If that doesn't sum up my whole life hen I don't know what does. I just don't know how to express myself without saying something wrong. That might be another reason that I still suck at relationships. And not just the romantic ones, but friendships and family-ships I don't know how to talk. Guess I'm just another cliché emo kid with no life.

_"Those three words_

_Are said too much_

_They're not enough"_

That's very true and another one of my problems. People say 'I love you' way too much, so when it's genuine, no one knows for sure. They're just not enough to explain my love for Magnus.

_"If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lay with me and just forget the world_

_Forget what we're told _

_Before we're too old_

_Show me a garden thats bursting into life"_

Magnus showed me this meadow that I'm going to. The meadow that will be the setting to my suicide. It really is beautiful. It's got trees surrounding the edges, forming a perfect circle. It's got daisies, tulips, roses, orchids, grass, weeds that have flowers on them. It's tranquil and makes me feel free. A little closer to Idris.

_"Lets waste time_

_Chasing cars _

_Around our heads"_

I shut off my car and walk into the forest. The pills I'm planning on OD-ing on are heavy in my sweater pocket as I hike.

When I get to the clearing I look up the song that was playing in my car: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.

I down the pills and play the song from where it left off.

**Magnus POV:**

Jace called me and left a message:

"Hey, Magnus. I just wanted to see if Alec's there. He's not answering his phone and isn't at his apartment. If he's not there, do you know anywhere he could be? This is serious Magnus. Alec's not doin' too good with this whole breakup thing. I know you still care for him, please, help us find him. Bye."

At this I stated to mildly freak out.

I'm not doing too well either, but I know for a fact that Alexander would take things farther than I would.

I know exactly where he is.

I grab my house keys and jump in my car. Chasing Cars by Sow Patrol has just started, but I have no time to bask in its depressing awesomeness. Alexander needs my help.

I just hope I'm not too late.

**Alec POV:**

I lay back in the grass looking up to the blue sky with barely any white puffs of clouds to disturb the endless blue.

It's such a nice day. The last memory I have will be happy at least.

I can feel the drugs slowing everything down. I can't hear anything and everything is in slow motion.

All that filters through are the lyrics to the song:

_"I need your grace_

_To remind me _

_To find my own"_

I automatically think of Magnus. He's the most graceful person I've ever met. Even more graceful than Jace or Isabelle. He's like a constant reminder that I would be more graceful. And I love him for it.

I catch movement off to the side of me. I turn my head slowly. I see a black silhouette. Magnus.

Now I'm hallucinating. Good, that means that the drugs are working.

"Hey, Alexander." His face comes into focus. He's smiling a comforting smile, but his makeup is smudged like he's been crying. He caresses my face with one of his hands.

"Hey." I say slowly and quietly. I'm sure it also sounds broken.

_"If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lay with me and just forget the world"_

I sing along with the music to Magnus. It's my way of asking him if he'll lay with me while I drain away.

_"Forget what we're told_

_Before we get too old_

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life"_

He nods and lays beside me. He holds my hand. I think I started to cry because I see a small droplet of water drop onto my shoulder.

"Shh, Alec. It'll be alright. Everything will be all right." Magnus is smoothing the black tendrils of hair off my face. He wipes away the tears I was unaware I was shedding.

_"All that I am_

_All that was _

_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all that I can see"_

My vision changes to tunnel vision and all I can see are Magnus' green-gold cats eyes. I see all of what he used and what he does see of me in them. He sees me as beautiful, strong, stupid, wonderful, idiotic, smart, blunt, innocent, adorable shadowhunter. He sees me as his world and I feel guilty for just a second that I'm tearing down his world around him, but then I remember I'm dying and focus on happy thoughts so I can in turn die happy.

_"I don't know where_

_Confused about how as well_

_I just know these things will never change for us as well"_

We've had such bad luck since we went our separate ways. And I know that our luck is not getting any better with me about to die.

_"If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lay with me and just forget the world"_

The last, I see before the world goes dark, are Magnus' glassy green-gold eyes, full of tears and sadness as the song ends on a single note.

* * *

**A/N: sorry that's so sad. I just couldn't help it. The song just fits hit his so perfect and I've had this song stuck in my head for a long time now. Idk if you guys want me to make this a milti-chapter fic, but for right now it will stay a one-shot. Thx for reading. The song is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. If you haven't picked up on that. **

**Suggestions?**

**Reviews?**

**~Lexi**


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